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[10 Jun 2009|03:25am] |
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Cactus - The Pixies |
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[07.10.07] I've gotten quite a few add requests by people looking to read my stories. Unfortunately right now I'm on a bit of a writing hiatus. I've gotten a ton of emails asking about Father Knows Best (my incredibly graphic, Penthouse-esque tale of incest, pedophilia and other forms of debauchery) but I'm going through a bit of a religious awakening and can't really finish it. (Although I know it was some of my best work and I know you guys want to see it finished I'm just not feeling it and if I forced it, it'd be terrible). So hang with me, I promise I'll start updating more regularly, I'm thinking of even taking things public. We'll see.
For those of you who've been with me for years, thank you for sticking things out. For those new to the chaos, I'm Rachel Riott, thanks for reading.
[Rachel!Riott]
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[27 Feb 2008|10:40pm] |
And no I'm not ashamed but the guilt will kill you
If she don't first
I'll never love you like her
Though we need to find the time
To just do this shit together
For it gets worse
I wanna touch you
But that just hurts
When will we get the time to be just just friends
-Amy Winehouse, Just Friends
I'm not done loving him yet. I never actually told him I did. It's been almost six months and it's been completely unfulfilling and yet absolutely wonderful. I hate that I want him as bad as I do. It'd fucking sick. I don't want to talk to anyone about it, they're all sick of my shit. I can't explain it, when he looks at me, I feel something. Something scary. After knowing him for eight months I still can't keep my hands off of him. Even today after I told him it was over I was still touching him, still trying to bite his neck and mold myself to his frame. But I know that I'll never be anything more than a girl on the side to his perfect family and that fucking kills me. I deserve better than that, it's not his fault, that's just how things worked out. Had I made a move earlier maybe he wouldn't have fucked her. Maybe I'd be the pregnant girlfriend instead of her. His second daughter will be born in May and I can't be sneaking around with him anymore. No matter how bad I want to. I once read the worst way to miss someone was to be sitting right next to them, knowing you can't have them. But I disagree, the worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right next to them, knowing you can have them, but knowing it's for the best if you don't.
9/3/07-2/27/08
I really did love you. I'm sorry I never told you. I hope you're happy with her because you deserve it.
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[19 Sep 2007|05:00pm] |
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So I've been seeing a guy I work with (Tommy) and we were both on shift last night and one of the kids ran away. I was making dinner in the kitchen and he came and found me and was like, "Ms. Rachel, can you come outside for a second?" And I know when he calls me Ms. Rachel that it's work related. So anyway, I figure the kid has come back so I follow him outside but I don't see anyone. He preceeds to walk me to the end of the driveway and I asked him if we were running away like the kid and he's like, "Turn around." And there was a MASSIVE rainbow in the sky. Seriously like, I haven't seen a rainbow that big in years. And he looked over at me and said, "I just wanted to share that with you."
That was one of the sweetest things that's ever happened to be, not just because of what he did but because he's not totally sweet by nature. So I know that took some effort and it made me melt like a little girl.
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| Sour home Chicago |
[17 Aug 2007|04:17am] |
I never did a post-Chicago update, so here it is, a month late.
Chicago was wonderful, it was so nice being home, I truly didn't want to leave.
Friday I saw Allister's last show ever. I realize they're horribly poppy but I have so many memories attached to that band, I remember moving to Florida when I was eighteen and playing the hell out of Dead Ends and Girlfriends. Then all the concerts Vicky and Heather and I would go to. Scott calling me his stalker, singing the song "Jacob" with my name inserted into the song, "Rachel thinks I'm gay" (he totally is), playing video games in their van, watching Tim to birthday cake shoved into his face. Anyway, a lot of good memories with that band and I teared up at the end. It was so emotional, all the past band members came out and sang with them and you could just tell they really loved what they were doing. It was incredible, that band had been together ten years and toured the world.
Saturday we go the worlds best pizza, Bill's Pub Double Decker just cheese (totally better than sex, I'm so serious) then went to Dekalb but I was in a sour mood and totally overdressed. But I got Dairy Queen and got to meet Sharon's gorgeous boyfriend. Which was awesome.
Sunday I went to lunch with Chris Gutierrez, or HeyChris for those of you who have no idea who I'm talking about. We got Thai food and he was a total gentleman, held the door and helped me order food (I've never had Thai food before, shut it). We talked for over an hour then we walked around the city. It was Fruity's birthday so we walked down to Best Buy where he bought me a pop (total gentleman) and we went to Walgreens to pick out a birthday card then he had to get home to get ready for the party. Then Sharon picked me up and we went to see Transformers (again) because I am a sucker for giant alien robots and barely legal Jews.
Monday I got a Broccoli and Ham and Cheese omelette, if you know me, you know how much I love them and there's only one restaurant that will make them for me. Then I saw Knocked Up (again) because I am a sucker for dirty jokes and chubby Jews.
Then Tuesday I had to come home, but not before we got Coldstone.
I've decided that I'm moving back this time next year, which is why I'm at work on my night off. I opened a savings account (to prove how serious I am) and I decided I need $5,000 to move with so I have like, $400. Haha, totally on my way.
Pictures of Sharon and I and Chris and I on my myspace.
♥
Riott.
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[27 Jun 2006|06:25pm] |
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mood |
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accomplished |
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music |
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Baby Love - Diana Ross |
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Despite my insane amount of school work, I really want to rp Mac/Stella with someone. I'm really into Mac's character right now and I don't think writing about him is enough, I think I want to write as him.
In other news I got a 24/25 on my Police and Society midterm and a 96% on my Women and Crime test. That's right motherfuckers I own this shit. Who cares if I never have sex!?! I'm getting A's!!
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[13 Jun 2006|10:55am] |
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mood |
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frustrated |
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music |
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Tom Waits |
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The Bluebird - Charles Bukowski
There’s a bluebird in my heart that
Wants to get out
But I’m too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I’m not going
To let anybody see
You.
There’s a bluebird in my heart that
Wants to get out
But I pour whiskey on him and inhale
Cigarette smoke
And the whores and bartenders
And the grocery clerks
Never know that
He’s
In there.
There’s a bluebird in my heart that
Wants to get out
But I’m too tough for him,
I say,
Stay down, do you want to mess
Me up?
You want to blow my book sales in
Europe?
There’s a bluebird in my heart that
Wants to get out
But I’m too clever, I only let him out
At night sometimes
When everybody’s asleep.
I say, I know that you’re there,
So don’t be
Sad.
Then I put him back,
But he’s singing a little
In there, I haven’t quite let him
Die
And we sleep together like
That
With our
Secret pact
And it’s nice enough to
Make a man
Weep, but I don’t
Weep, do
You?
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| My birthday! |
[02 May 2006|05:17am] |
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Check it out!!
And because I know you guys want to shower me with gifts! [I typed "shower me with girls" ... totally different, but if you have no money, that's a good alternative!]
Buy me stuff!
There's lots of cheap stuff and if you can buy used you can get me more than one thing!
-is a greedy bitch-
Actually I'm not really, it's just, my parents aren't getting me anything and I want something to open. -sad face-
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